Super-Duper-Size Me

You go on one little five-month, fast-food binge and the next thing you know, you're relegated to being photographed in coats the size of the Empire State Building. You're darn right I'm not smiling about it.

Pillaging and Plundering for Good Booty

Ahoy me hearties! I'm back, with a clean poop deck and padded treasure chest, looking for a buccaneer with a robust booty to flog this yo-ho-ho before shivering me timbers with a jolly roger.

Au Naturale

Beauty: Screw laser hair removal!

Beast: Yeah! Wait, we're talking just for me though, right? Because you've got a little 'stashe going that I could live without. 

Beauty: Sure honey, because I'm actually loving raking my hands through your back fur.

Beast: So, all this time you've been lying to me?

Beauty: No, I really dreamed of bedding Chewbacca over Han Solo. Because the 7-foot-tall Wookiee was the hot one.

Beast: But Mom always said Chewbacca was...oh, I get it now.

Beauty: Moms fib. Life's a bitch.

Beast: I hope my job at the Empire is still available.

The Eyes Have It

 

Blondie: Can you see her?

Brownie: Not as well as I'd like, but yes, I can see her.

Blondie: She's taken each of our eyes and is wearing them as a mismatched set.

Brownie: Like Kate Bosworth. Very trendy!

Blondie: True, but besides the point, don't you think? 

Brownie: Too bad we're too fragile to take her.

Blondie: We'd break like matchsticks. At least the deep side part is in.

Brownie: Hooray! We're trendy too!

Blondie: We sure are. Now get off me. My spine is starting to tear.

Splitsville

I'm in my daughter's jeans, I'm in my daughter's jeans!
 
RRRIP!

Thank God I'm wearing mom briefs, thank God I'm wearing mom briefs!

Coitus of Convenience

Sockless: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Victor. No, wait.

Souless: Mother was right. Trade school wouldn't have been all that bad.

Sockless: Victim! Is it Victim? 

Souless: At least he's buying that I'm into him.

Sockless: No, it's Villain. Yes. That's it. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Villain. 

Souless: At least he's buying.

Battle of the Bulge

How I've longed for clothing that adds unsightly bulges to my figure!

Who Tooted?

This looked so much sexier in my head.