Mama Ciccone Wants Equal Pay for Equal Work

Mama: But Little Nonni, these conditions you have me working in are unsuitable for the mama of the Material Girl.

Madonna: Quiet woman! Keep sewing. My see-through culottes will be the hit of the tonight's premiere! Who'll be causing a commotion? Madonna! Just wait until Karl Lagerfeld sees me. He'll be sorry he's been musing it up with that stupid, young Blake Lively.

Mama: But Little Nonni!

Madonna: Little Nonni is no more. I am Madonna. JUST Madonna. It's even on my driver's license.

Mama: Do not forget, my Little Nonni, that I am the original Madonna. It's on my driver's license, too. Before you had it taken away, that is.

Madonna: What reason do you have to drive? When was the last time I allowed you to leave your shed?

Mama: You know perfectly well you took away my license when I tried to escape to La Isla Bonita back in '94.

Madonna: Mama, don't preach. You can never escape me, nor my enigmatic persona. Speaking of me, it's time I transformed again. I've been doing the aging Italian movie star for too long. I need to look younger. Lively-er! Like a lucky star!

Mama: Movie star? Have you seen any of your movies? You're more like an aging music video extra. And you know how badly they age. Just look at your brother.

Madonna: That's what happens when you only get 4 minutes of fame. Now push up your CVS glasses and let's get this show on the road. I can't be late for the red carpet.

Mama: I'm going to express myself by strangling you with my tape measure.

Madonna: I'm crazy for your ire, you tiny, poor beautiful stranger.

Mama: By the way, that pretty Blake Lively has better legs than you. Maybe I should sew you a long, wool skirt so you don't offend Mr. Lagerfeld.

Madonna: Guess who's going to be burning up in her bed tonight?