Going (really, really) Green

Enough of the red-meat guys. This time, I'm snagging a vegetarian.

The Boob Whisperer

Chesty Besty: Go ahead, have a listen.

Plaid Lad: It's saying, "Stop going for the guys who try too hard."

Hair Affair: Why do you betray me this way, Fatty Orbs?! 

Plaid Lad: It's also saying, "If you chop the Mohawk, we'll have matching 'dos."

Hair Affair: Well, that would be freaky. Maybe I'll just borrow the mix master's condom hat.

Chesty Besty: That works for me!

Plaid Lad: You deserve each other. I'm off to find augmented reality. I'm close enough to know this isn't it.

Tinker Bull

Pixie Chick: Poof!

Iggy Flop: What the bloody hell are you doing?

Pixie Chick: Transforming you into something easier on the eyes with pixie dust!

Iggy Flop: It's cheap glitter and a glob of it is lodged in my throat, you twit. It's not my color, either. A silver matte shows much nicer on my spray-tanned skin.

Pixie Chick: Yes, I noticed you were orange. My magic dust doesn't appear to be powerful enough to turn you a normal shade.

Iggy Flop: Achieving this shade takes precision and dedication, thank you very much.

Pixie Chick: I see you've continued the theme to your magic wand.

Iggy Flop: Equal rights for equal awesomeness, my pet.

Pixie Chick: Put some clothes on, Orange Crush.

Iggy Flop: Admission is the first step, luv. It's not easy being under my spell.

Pixie Chick: Poof! Damn, you're still here.

Cutting Edge in 2001

Left Pucker: Omigod, I can't believe I was selected to be in such an edgy campaign!

Right Pucker: I know! Nobody's ever tried a lipstick-lesbian kiss to sell product before. This is so edgy!

Left Pucker: I might be into it a little more if your mouth didn't smell like the ass of a rotting cow.

Right Pucker: Me? Do you know what happens when you combine coffee, cigarrettes and roasted-garlic hummus? I do, because it's burning a hole though my chin.

Token Male: I don't care about the smell. I want in the middle of that brownie delight!

Red Wonder: I'm too busy trying not to pass out from the stench to hear you.

Pink Princess: So glad I learned how to stop breathing at Barbizon Modeling School.

Paris Bueller's Day Off

Hey, Bitches! It's me. Paris! Bet you couldn't tell because I replaced my hair extensions with a Marilyn Monroe wig. Don't I look just like her? I was so turned on I almost made out with myself, but that stupid mirror wouldn't let me reach in and wrap my arms around my own hot body. When is somebody going to design a make-out mirror already? And don't my boobs look huge? Who would have guessed duct tape has more uses than keeping the help in line? I learned SO much on this photo shoot!